Advice
On Dealing With Anger
Anger
is one of the evil whispers of Shaytaan, which leads to so many evils and
tragedies, of which only Allaah knows their full extent. For this reason Islam
has a great deal to say about this bad characteristic, and the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) described cures for this
"disease" and ways to limit its effects, among which are the
following:
(1)
Seeking refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan:
Sulayman
ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was
red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, 'I know a word which, if he were to
say it, what he feels would go away. If he said "I seek refuge with Allaah
from the Shaytaan," what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.'"
(Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 6/337)
The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If a man gets
angry and says, 'I seek refuge with Allaah,' his anger will go away." (Saheeh
al-Jaami' al-Sagheer, no. 695)
(2)
Keeping silent:
The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If
any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad,
al-Musnad, 1/329; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 693, 4027).
This
is because in most cases, the angry person loses self control and could utter
words of kufr (from which we seek refuge with Allaah), or curses, or the word of
divorce (talaaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which would
bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the
solution which helps one to avoid all that.
(3)
Not moving:
The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If
any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will
go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down."
The
narrator of this hadeeth is Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him), and
there is a story connected to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to
drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to
one another), "Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to
drink) and make his hair stand on end?" A man said, "I can," so
he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the
trough was broken. [i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels,
but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken]. Abu Dharr
was standing, so he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him, "O Abu
Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?" He said: "The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: . . ." and quoted
the hadeeth. (The hadeeth and this story may be found in Musnad Ahmad, 5/152;
see also Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 694).
According
to another report, Abu Dharr was watering his animals at the trough, when
another man made him angry, so he sat down . . . (Fayd al-Qadeer, al-Manaawi,
1/408)
Among
the benefits of this advice given by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) is the fact that it prevents the angry person from going out of
control, because he could strike out and injure someone, or even kill - as we
will find out shortly - or he could destroy possessions and so on. Sitting down
makes it less likely that he will become overexcited, and lying down makes it
even less likely that he will do something crazy or harmful. Al-'Allaamah al-Khattaabi,
may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his commentary on Abu Dawud: "One who
is standing is in a position to strike and destroy, while the one who is sitting
is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is
possible that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the
angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he
would later regret. And Allaah knows best." (Sunan Abi Dawud, with Ma'aalim
al-Sunan, 5/141)
(4)
Following the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):
Abu
Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), "Advise me." He
said, "Do not become angry." The man repeated his request several
times, and each time the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
told him, "Do not become angry." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Bari,
10/456)
According
to another report, the man said: "I thought about what the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, and I realized that anger combines
all kinds of evil." (Musnad Ahmad, 5/373)
(5)
Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours (a saheeh hadeeth, see Saheeh al-Jaami', 7374. Ibn
Hajr attributed it to al-Tabaraani, see al-Fath 4/465):
Remembering
what Allaah has promised to the righteous (muttaqeen) who keep away from the
causes of anger and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most
effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the ahaadeeth that
describe the great reward for doing this is: "Whoever controls his anger at
the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allaah will fill his heart with
contentment on the Day of Resurrection." (Reported by al-Tabaraani, 12/453,
see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 6518).
Another
great reward is described in the Prophet's words: "Whoever controls his
anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allaah will call him
before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the
Hoor al-'Iyn whoever he wants." (Reported by Abu Dawud, 4777, and others.
It is classified as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami, 6518).
(6)
Knowing the high status and advantages offered to those who control themselves:
The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The
strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the
strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry." (Reported
by Ahmad, 2/236; the hadeeth is agreed upon). The greater the anger, the higher
the status of the one who controls himself. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "The strongest man is the one who, when he gets
angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his
anger." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 5/367, and classified as hasan in Saheeh
al-Jaami', 3859)
Anas
reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by
some people who were wrestling. He asked, "What is this?" They said:
"So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody." The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "Shall I not tell you who is
even stronger then him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls
his anger, has defeated his own shaytaan and the shaytaan of the one who made
him angry." (Reported by al-Bazzaar, and Ibn Hajr said its isnaad is saheeh.
Al-Fath, 10/519)
(7)
Following the Prophet's example in the case of anger:
The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is our leader and has set
the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in a number of ahaadeeth. One
of the most famous was reported by Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, who
said: "I was walking with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him), and he was wearing a Najraani cloak with a rough collar. A
Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the
marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him
some of the wealth of Allaah that he had. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be
given something." (Agreed upon. Fath al-Baari, 10/375)
Another
way in which we can follow the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) is by making our anger for the sake of Allaah, when His
rights are violated. This is the kind of anger which is praiseworthy. So the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) became angry when he was
told about the imaam who was putting people off the prayer by making it too
long; when he saw a curtain with pictures of animate creatures in 'Aa'ishah's
house; when Usaamah spoke to him about the Makhzoomi woman who had been
convicted of theft, and he said "Do you seek to intervene concerning one of
the punishments prescribed by Allaah?"; when he was asked questions that he
disliked, and so on. His anger was purely for the sake of Allaah.
(8)
Knowing that resisting anger is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwaa):
The
righteous (al-muttaqoon) are those praised by Allaah in the Qur'aan and by His
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Paradise as wide as
heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is
that they (interpretation of the meaning) "spend (in Allaah's Cause) in
prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men;
verily, Allaah loves al-muhsinoon (the good-doers)." [Aal 'Imraan 3:134]
These
are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds Allaah has
mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their
characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning) ". . . when they
are angry, they forgive." [al-Shooraa 42:47]
(9)
Listening to reminders:
Anger
is a part of human nature, and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult
for a man not to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allaah when they
are reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow:
Ibn
'Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that a man sought permission
to speak to 'Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him), then he
said: "O son of al-Khattaab, you are not giving us much and you are not
judging fairly between us." 'Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) was so
angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays, who was one of
those present, said: "O Ameer al-Mu'mineen, Allaah said to His Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning):
'Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish' [al-A'raaf
7:199]. This man is one of the foolish." By Allaah, 'Umar could go no
further after al-Hurr had recited this aayah to him, and he a man who was
careful to adhere to the Book of Allaah. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath,
4/304).
This
is how the Muslim should be. The evil munaafiq (hypocrite) was not like this
when he was told the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) and one of the Companions said to him, "Seek refuge with Allaah
from the Shaytaan." He said to the one who reminded him, "Do you think
I am crazy? Go away!" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 1/465). We seek
refuge with Allaah from failure.
(10)
Knowing the bad effects of anger:
The
negative effects of anger are many; in short they cause damage to one's own self
and to others. The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may
attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the point of
killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson:
'Ilqimah
ibn Waa'il reported that his father (may Allaah be pleased with him) told him:
"I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, 'O Messenger of
Allaah, this man killed my brother.' The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked him, 'Did you kill him?' He said, 'Yes, I
killed him.' He asked, 'How did you kill him?' He said, 'He and I were hitting a
tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered me, so I struck
him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed him.' . . ." (Reported
by Muslim, 1307, edited by al-Baaqi).
Anger
could lead to less than killing, such as wounding and breaking bones. If the one
who caused the anger runs away, the angry person turns his anger in on himself,
so he may tear his clothes, or strike his cheeks, or have a fit, or fall
unconscious, or he may break dishes and plates, or break furniture.
In
the worst cases, anger results in social disasters and the breaking of family
ties, i.e., divorce. Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will
tell you: it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for the
children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life, all as a result of
anger. If they had remembered Allaah, come to their senses, restrained their
anger and sought refuge with Allaah, none of this would have happened. Going
against the sharee'ah only results in loss.
The
damage to health that results from anger can only be described by doctors, such
as thrombosis, high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and
hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal heart
attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask Allaah for good health.
(11)
The angry person should think about himself during moments of anger:
If
the angry person could see himself in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate
himself and the way he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way
his body and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy
his behaviour is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his own
appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse than outer
ugliness; how happy the Shaytaan must be when a person is in this state! We seek
refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan and from failure.
(12)
Du'aa':
Du'aa'
is always the weapon of the believer, whereby he asks Allaah to protect him from
evil, trouble and bad behaviour and seeks refuge with Him from falling into the
pit of kufr or wrongdoing because of anger. One of the three things that can
help save him is: being fair at times of contentment and of anger (Saheeh al-Jaami',
3039). One of the du'aa's of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) was:
"O Allaah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allaah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allaah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds."
Taken from www.Troid.Org