I DON'T NEED A COUNSELOR, I NEED A FRIEND

by Velma Cook


Life is full of pressure. I have to make money to be successful, whatever that means. So often people assess me superficially, not really knowing who I am and how I may have been terribly successful in some areas of my life, but they only see me according to their context; what they want to see. People ask 'How are you?' but don't usually care about the answer. They say 'Have a nice day,' but inwardly couldn't care less.

I have to be tolerant and flexible until I don't have any opinions left. Children must be trained to behave in a certain way so they will be 'acceptable' to society. I am also supposed to discover myself and my potential plus fulfill it or people will say I am oppressed, even though I may be perfectly happy as I am. At the same time I must be on my guard against advertising, brain-washing, political facades or I'll be guilty of being naive. One's spouse is supposed to be completely fulfilled with me or my marriage will break down.

No wonder I feel unsure of myself and often lonely. People say we all need counselors these days. Some therapy to help us through. But how can I spill the beans; tell all my secret insecurities and fears to a complete stranger, who has been trained to have no opinion, no bias, acting like a mirror to all my faults and weaknesses. A face with nothing behind it. It is like you sit and talk to yourself, pay the money and go home. You still feel lonely.

I need someone who thinks and feels like me. Dreams the same kinds of dreams, understands my fears and loves me anyway. Someone who will love me enough to tell me the truth, even if I don't really like it. I need a friend.

It's trendy to have a counselor or therapy nowadays. Why? Have we become obsessed with material possessions to the point that we leave behind the valuable things in life, like family and friends?

Families used to help each other financially. Now we have Social Security. Families used to protect and represent each other, now there are court cases for every trivial matter. A good way of making money out of people's problems, ignorance and misery. Families used to support each other, now we have counseling and therapy from strangers. Nearly everything has become controlled by the government and centralized yet people call the society 'free'.

Families are disintegrating and friends come and go, as we seek the world and all it contains, with a greed that is never satiated. Maybe if we focus on 'real' things, important things, like developing our Iman, deepening our submission to Allah, gaining knowledge and nurturing our families and those around us then, most of our overwhelming problems will simply disappear.


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This article was posted with the permission of the author, Velma Cook. For more articles written by Velma Cook, please check out her websites below. Jazakallah khairun.


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Dead Hearts

Imaam ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah rahimahullaah
Taken from Al Jumuah, Vol 8 Issue

While thousands of Muslims are killed all over the world, and while tens of thousands are imprisoned and tortured for calling to the path of Allah and for enjoining the good and forbidding the evil, most Muslims remain remarkably silent and have no worry except for the material things of life. Their hearts have been filled with the love of this life and the forgetfulness of the Hereafter.

Allah says in the Qur'an: "You will indeed find them, of all people, most greedy of life, even more than those who do not believe in Resurrection. Each one of them wishes he could be given a life of a thousand years. But the grant of such life will not save him even a little from due punishment. For Allah sees well all that they do." (Al Baqarah, 2:96)



Many Muslims today have become so much attached to their life that their desire is to dwell among their family, house, money and commerce. They have forgotten that matters of the Hereafter should come before matters of this life and that we must strive to follow the orders of Allah, not just those we find easy and convenient to follow. Some Muslims today claim that it is better to perform extra prayers and extra fasting rather than enjoin the good and forbid the evil or defend the lives of weak Muslims. Such people would even blame the Muslims who strive to perform these obligations.



This is what Ibn al-Qayyim had to say about such people: ''The Shaitan has misled most people by beautifying for them the performance of certain voluntary acts of worship such as voluntary prayers and voluntary fasting while neglecting other obligatory acts of worship such as enjoining the good and eradicating the evil, to the extent that they do not even make the intention of performing them whenever they are able to. Such people are considered by the scholars to be on the bottom of the scale of religion: For the essence of our religion is to perform what Allah ordered us to do. The one who does not perform his obligations is actually worse than the one who performs sins. Anyone having some knowledge about the revelation of Allah, the guidance of the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, and the life of the companions would conclude that those who are pointed at today as the most pious people are in fact the least pious. Indeed, what kind of piety is there in a person who witnesses Allah's sanctities being violated, his religion abandoned, the Sunnah of His Messenger shunned, and yet remains still with a cold heart and a shut mouth' Such a person is like a dumb Shaitan! In the same way the one who talks falsehood is a speaking Shaitan. Isn't the misfortune of Islam due only to those who whenever their life and food are secure, would not care about what happens to the religion? The best among them would offer a sorry face. But if they were challenged in one of the things their heart is attached to like their money, they would spare no efforts to get it back. These people, besides deserving the anger of Allah, are afflicted with the greatest calamity without even knowing it: They have a dead heart. Indeed the more alive a person's heart is, the stronger its anger for the sake of Allah and the more complete his support to Islam and Muslims." (A'alaam al-Muwaqqi'een, volume 2, page 176).

Remaining Steadfast After Ramadan

By Shaykh Salih Al-Fouzan



Sufyan Ibn `Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "O Messenger of Allah, tell me something about Islam, which I cannot ask anyone else besides you." He said: "Say: 'I believe in Allah' and then be steadfast (upon that)." [Sahih Muslim]
The Hadith is proof that the servant is obligated, after having Iman in Allah, to persevere and be steadfast upon obeying Him by performing the obligatory acts and avoiding the prohibited ones. This is achieved by following the Straight Path, which is the firm Religion without drifting away from it, to the right or to the left.
If the Muslim lives through Ramadan and spent his days in fasting and his nights in prayer and he accustomed himself to doing acts of good, then he must continue to remain upon this obedience to Allah at all times. This is the true state of the slave, for indeed, the Lord of the months is One and He is ever watchful and witnessing over his servants at all times.
Indeed, steadfastness after Ramadan and the rectification of one's statements and actions are the greatest signs that one has gained benefit from the month of Ramadan and striven in obedience. They are tokens of reception and signs of success.
Furthermore, the deeds of a servant do not come to an end with the end of a month and the beginning of another, rather they continue and extend until he reaches death. Allah says: {And worship your Lord until the certainty (death) comes to you}. (Al-Hijr: 99)
If the fasting of Ramadan comes to an end, then indeed the voluntary fasting is still prescribed throughout the entire year. If standing in prayer at night during Ramadan comes to an end, then indeed, the entire year is a time for performing the night prayer. And if the Zakat-ul-Fitr comes to an end, then there is still the Zakah that is obligatory as well as the voluntary charity that lasts the whole year. This goes the same for reciting the Qur'an and pondering over its meaning as well as every other righteous deed that is sought, for they can be done at all times. From the many bounties that Allah has bestowed upon his servants is that He has placed for them many different types of righteous acts and provided many means for doing good deeds. Therefore, the ardor and zeal of the Muslim must be constant and he must continue to remain in the service of his Lord.
It is unfortunate to find that some people perform worship by doing different types of righteous deeds during Ramadan. They guard strictly upon their five daily prayers in the Masjid, they recite the Qur'an a lot and they give in charity from their wealth. But when Ramadan comes to an end, they grow lazy in their worship. Rather, sometimes they even abandon the obligations, both generally, such as praying in congregation, and specifically, such as praying the Fajr prayer.
And they commit forbidden acts such as sleeping over the time of prayers, indulging in places of foolishness and entertainment, and mingling in parks, especially on the day of `Eid. Obtaining help from these evils is only through the grace of Allah. Thus, they demolish what they have constructed and destroy what they have established. This is an indication of deprivation and a sign of perdition. We ask Allah for His safeguarding and protection.
Indeed, this type of people take the example of turning in repentance and ceasing from committing evil deeds as something specific and restricted to the month of Ramadan. And they stop doing these (good) acts when the month stops. Thus, it is as if they have abandoned sinning for the sake of Ramadan, and not out of fear of Allah. How evil are these people who do not know Allah, except in Ramadan!
Truly, the success that Allah grants His servant lies in the fasting of Ramadan. His assisting him to do that is a great favor, thus the calls for the servant to be grateful to his Lord. This understanding can be found in the statement of Allah after completing the favor of the month of fasting:
{(He wants that you) must complete the same number of days, and that you must magnify Allah (by saying Allahu Akbar) for having guided you, so that you may be grateful to Him}. (Al-Baqarah: 185)
The one who is grateful for having fasted, will remain upon that condition and continue to perform righteous deeds.
Verily, the true way of the Muslim is that of one who praises and thanks his Lord for giving him the ability to fast and make Qiyam. His condition after Ramadan is better than it was before Ramadan. He is more receptive to obey, desiring to do good deeds and quick to enforce the obligatory acts. This is because he has gained benefit form this prominent institute of learning. It is that of one who fears for having his fast not accepted, for indeed Allah only accepts from those who fear Him.
The righteous predecessors would struggle to complete and perfect their deeds, hoping afterwards, that it would be accepted and fearing that it would be rejected. From the reports of `Ali, "Be more concerned with having your deeds accepted than the deed itself. Did you not hear Allah say: {Verily Allah, only accepts those from those who fear Him. ( i.e. possess Taqwa)}. [5: 27] "[Lata'if ul Ma`arif, p. 246]
`A'ishah said: "I asked the Messenger of Allah concerning the ayah: 'And the one who are given what they are given and their hearts tremble with fear.' Are they the ones who drink alcohol and steal?" He said: "No, o daughter of As-Siddiq. Rather, they are the ones who fast and pray and give in charity yet fear that it won't be accepted from them. They are the ones who rush to do good deeds and they are the first to do them." [Sahih Sunan At-Tirmidhi 3/79-80]
So be warned and again be warned of turning backward after having attained guidance of going astray after persevering. And ask Allah to provide you with duration in doing righteous deeds and continuity in performing good acts. And ask Allah that He grant you a good end, so that He may accept our Ramadan from us.